When a Radio Bit Goes Horribly Wrong

It’s tough to be a radio guy these days.  Back in the early days the DJ was pretty much a celebrity because there was nothing else.  You couldn’t really take a record player with you when you went running or driving.  So the only way to listen to music on the go was through the radio and the DJ was as much a part of the entertainment as the music.  That isn’t the case these days. 

How do I know?  Well, I used to be in radio.  I never made it past part-time but, in a way, that was even more depressing than being one of the regulars.  There I would be talking in between Foreigner and Led Zeppelin songs and talking like anyone was really listening.  Most of the time everyone out in the world just wanted me to shut the hell up and play the commercials and the Led Zeppelin song.   

There is a certain arrogance that goes along with getting into radio.  These days most radio stations that play music are going toward satellite broadcasts that don’t use DJs.  The station I worked for actually switched to one of those formats about a month after I left the place.  You also have to compete with satellite radio and the internet and iPods and a million other things.  People have a million ways to listen to not only just music but to the music they want to listen to.  You don’t have to put up with commercials and endless songs by
Styx or whatever band you don’t like.   

The only place where you still have and want people talking are the morning shows and the all-talk stations.  Exactly why people seem to want goofy guys doing silly stunts in the morning is not something I understand.  However, it has become extremely difficult for these morning shows to do things that try to get listeners.  So, the morning shows are doing crazy stunts.  Most of these stunts are just stupid.  Unfortunately, in
Sacramento, the stunt turned deadly. 

The contest was called “Hold you Wee for a Wii.”  For those of you who don’t know what a Wii is it’s the new Nintendo game system that people are fighting about.  This morning team on KDND, The End, in
Sacramento came up with a contest to give away one of these things.  The idea was to have a group of people in a room and have them start drinking water.  They were to keep drinking until they either threw up or reached bladder critical mass and had to go to the bathroom.  Once a contestant did that they were out.  The last person standing won the Wii. 

The thing that became interesting was the number of people who called in and suggested that this was not a good idea.  Of course this morning team had to have had approval from the station to do this.  I have worked and talked with morning teams from St. Louis to
Chicago and back again and they never really do these stunts all on their own.  There are lawyers who always look at these things.  Apparently none of these geniuses thought about something called “water intoxication.” 

You see, if you ingest enough of anything you can become intoxicated.  Being intoxicated is, essentially, when there is more of some other liquid in your body than oxygen-carrying blood.  Whatever that substance is it can have the same effect as when you down a bunch of shots.  If you go past a certain point at any time with any liquid and have more of the liquid in your system then your own blood your body shuts down. 

So, people called in including a nurse.  She suggested that this might not be a good idea because of the water intoxication.  The on-air people said that the people playing the game had signed releases so the station wasn’t liable.  The on-air host also said he was certain that if someone reached a serious point they would vomit.  The co-host, a woman, said at one point, “maybe we should have done more research on this first.” 

The contest came down to two women.  One was 28-year-old Jennifer Strange.  She was the mother of two and was trying to win the Wii for her kids.  They offered her front-row tickets for a Justin Timberlake concert that night.  She declined.  She said her head hurt and that she felt very bloated.  She declined the tickets.  The contest went on.  They kept drinking water.  They offered her the tickets again and this time she took the tickets.  She came into the studio and everyone laughed and said she looked three months pregnant.  She said again she had a headache. 

Apparently, as she drove home, she called into work in tears.  She said she was not coming into work.  She said she felt terrible.  Her mother found her collapsed on her floor in her home hours later.  She was pronounced dead at a hospital and the reason was listed as “water intoxication.” 

The entire morning show crew has been fired.  Whether or not lawsuits are pending is unclear but I am willing to bet people will get sued.  Of course, who blames the lawyers?  Who blames the management at the station who approved this contest?  What happens to them?   

The easiest thing to do is to fire the on-air talent.  I never witnessed a contest like this but I saw a few that were weird.  I remember one that involved the morning guy standing outside at a gas station in his underwear and having stickers ripped off his body with prizes written on them.  Now this was not deadly but it was strange. 

I have head of radio stunts where the on-air hosts were buried in the ground and broadcast from within their grave.  I had some radio friends who did a fake stunt where they insisted they were dangling one of their on-air people over the highway tied to weather balloons.  People called in insisting they could see the guy floating there. 

It’s tough in the radio business today.  It was always a cutthroat business but these days it may even be more so.  This was a senseless tragedy and a stupid way to go.  However, it takes more than firing the on-air staff to make this one right.  There were more people involved than that morning team and you had better believe they are scrambling to cover their butts right now. 

Bryan W. Alaspa’s novel Dust is now available in print and eBook format at his website www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.

Someone Else’s Epic

Have you ever had the feeling you were just a bit character or had been cast in some way in someone else’s epic story?  Have you ever felt that you have been cast in a role that you would not normally want to have in this particular story?  For example, have you ever felt like maybe you are being cast as the villain in some kind of epic story?  Well, I am not entirely sure I have felt that way personally but I think the city of
Chicago and the Chicago Bears team may very much feel that way when it comes to this week’s game. 

Of course, the Bears are poised to make their second trip to the Super Bowl.  People in other cities may not realize just how spoiled they are.  If you live anywhere in the nebulous region commonly referred to as
New England you probably don’t think of yourself as spoiled.  Yet, every year, no matter how poorly the Patriots have played throughout the regular season that team manages to get into the playoffs.  The city of
Pittsburgh has numerous Super Bowl visits and victories under its belt. 
San Francisco sure looks terrible now but it wasn’t all that long ago that the 49ers were winning everything and anything all the time.  Sports fans have very short memories. 

In
Chicago we have the opposite thing happening, at least when it comes to the Bears.  In this town if you happen to have once been affiliated in any way with the Chicago Bears of 1985 you do not have to buy a drink in any bar in town provided you let everyone know you had some affiliation with the ’85 Bears.  This was the team that should have been the start of a dynasty before the team made a bunch of dunder-headed moves that broke up that team and prevented it from going on to win countless championships.  Instead we had one glorious, delirious season where the Bears managed to lose only one game and then soundly trounced those aforementioned Patriots in the Super Bowl.  This is a collective great memory for the city because we only have one football team so that means it is the one sports thing pretty much everyone in the city can agree on. 

See, for me the White Sox World Series Championship eclipses the Bears championship because I am more of a baseball fan than I am a football fan.  However, the city’s loyalty with baseball is notoriously divided between the Sox and the Cubs and that divide gets deeper every season.  So, while for me that win was greater and sweeter, for much of this city it only added more bitterness to the baseball season. 

So, right now the entire city is poised to play a game that might take them to the Super Bowl.  Even if we don’t win the Super Bowl the fact that we would be there again would be pretty sweet.  I have only seen the Bears play in one Super Bowl in my life and that was the year they won.  You see, we don’t make it into the playoffs every season and we definitely don’t make it into the championship game very often.  

In any other year this would be the huge story.  The Bears in ’85 were national celebrities for a while.  They were such a mish-mosh of talent.  We had the “Fridge” for crying out loud.  My family went on a vacation to Hawaii the year following the win and everyone, when they found out my family was from
Chicago, wanted to know if I knew the Fridge.  So, the Bears of ’85 had an endearing quality that kind of made them the darlings for just a little while.   

This year, however, the team they are facing is the New Orleans Saints.  Of course we all know what happened to New
Orleans a couple of years ago.  This has become a magical epic year for the Saints.  They came roaring back into
New Orleans and they have a superstar in Reggie Bush and they have managed to dazzle the NFL all season long.  They are explosive.  They are winning.  They are a powerful team.  Considering the heartbreak and death and destruction that has befallen
New Orleans in the recent past they are bringing a simple but amazing spark of hope to a city that needs it. 

You can see what I mean about being cast in someone else’s epic story, can’t you? 

Suddenly it seems wrong to want the Bears to win.  Sure, I am going to be rooting for Urlacher to smash into Reggie Bush and strip the ball from him.  I want the Bears’ defense to wake up from its recent stupor to smash the hell out of the Saints offense.  However, I feel bad wanting that.  It seems as if the Bears are the villains in this story. 

It’s all you hear about now.  How great it is that the Saints are winning, you hear the sportscasters say.  You hear them talk about how wonderful it would be for the city of
New Orleans if the Saints were to make it to the Super Bowl.  They have overcome such adversity and such a horrible season last year.  They have defied every expectation and climbed mountain after mountain to finally be one small step from the pinnacle.  They only have to get past evil
Chicago,  home of Al Capone, John Wayne Gacy and Richard Speck, to achieve what will be a glorious moment for a city in such pain. 

Only an ogre would not want that scenario to happen right?  You don’t sit through all fifty-three hours of the “Lord of the Rings” movies hoping that the hobbits all end up in the fiery pits of Mordor at the end, do you?  Well, maybe you do, and I could understand that, but most people don’t.  Generally you root for the underdog hero in the epic tale and hope he or she comes through the winner at the end.  Everyone likes the underdog.  I love the underdog.  I even loved the cartoon “Underdog.” 

It’s just that, most of the time, Chicago IS the underdog when it comes to sports.  In fact, in some ways, we still are.  People wonder why Chicagoans often have this chip on their shoulders, especially when it comes to their sports teams.  Well, you try living in a place known as the “

Second
City” all of your life and not have some issues with your ego.  We are a fly-over city.  People all over the world think of Chicago as being a frozen wasteland much in the same way people in Chicago think
Green Bay is all year around.  I have had people express shock at the fact that
Chicago has beaches and that temperatures here in July often reach triple digits.   

So,
Chicago is now the villain in this epic story of a city coming back from tragedy.  In the end, I guess it’s fantastic that the Bears have made it this far and have made it further this year than they did last year.  Still, as game time draws near I can’t help but want them to win and to watch them in the Super Bowl.  I guess that makes me a villain.  Oh well, the villains are generally more exciting and memorable than the heroes anyway. 

Bryan W. Alaspa’s novel Dust is available in print and eBook format at his website www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.

Let’s Hear it for the Kickers

So it all came down to that final moment in overtime for the Chicago Bears.  They had been battling the Seattle Seahawks up and down the field and, essentially, it had come to a stand-still.  The game was tied and that meant sudden-death overtime as is always the case in the NFL.  No matter how you score, you are the team that wins.  If you tackle the other team’s quarterback in the endzone and get a safety you win the damn thing.   

Rex Grossman had done all right.  He made several rather bone-headed plays.  It still seems like the young quarterback needs to have all of the time in the world to make a play.  If you rush sexy Rexy then you can probably get him scrambling and when he scrambles he is just as likely to throw it to the referee or Lovie Smith on the sidelines as he is to a receiver down field.  The man is no running threat at all.  I think the only way to maybe get Rex to run would be to release an actual bear on the field while outfitting him with raw meat underpants.   

Of course there were many in this city, including a certain blog writer that you may or may not be reading right now and you may or may not read regularly, who thought that this was the last game of the season.  People always tell me to have hope but this is
Chicago.  You develop a certain kind of hopelessness when it comes to sports teams in
Chicago.  The strange thing is that this hopelessness never leaves no matter how many teams win championships.  Somehow, no matter what, it always seems like a fluke.  As if the governing board of whichever sport the team has just won the championship of will suddenly realize a horrible mistake has been made and make us take the trophy back and pretend the parade never happened. 

I have lived through six Bulls NBA Championships.  Rather than bask in the glow of the fact that this team which had such a miserable record for so long won six championships I am like most people in this town and despairing over the fact the team has stunk since Michael Jordan left.  Of course they have made it to the playoffs for two years in a row but I really don’t think anyone seriously thought the Chicago Bulls would make it make to the finals. 

I have also seen the White Sox magically win the World Series.  It still seems like some kind of dream I had a few years ago and I have a hard time remembering that it actually happened.  I have all of the newspapers and memorabilia tucked away in a drawer to remind me but after their horrific fall in this past season it almost seems like 2005 never happened.  Once more they were back in mediocrity mode in 2006 and it made all of 2005 seem like some kind of bizarre mistake. 

So, it was with some trepidation that I watched the Bears playoff game this past weekend.  While there were many who were hopeful and convinced they could beat the Seahawks, I will admit that I am not one of them.  When it comes to
Chicago sports I am always the naysayer.  You can ask my fellow White Sox fans that I was predicting their doom every step of the way.  Of course the more I screamed they would be defeated the more they won.  As such, maybe the same will happen to the Bears. 

Of course it all came down to the kicker.  It’s funny how NFL teams treat kickers.  Most of them act like they are those annoying little brothers or kids from down the block who come and want to hang out with you even though you don’t actually want them around.  A lot of times kickers are foreigners who seem like they would be much more comfortable on a soccer field rather than kicking an oblong ball through uprights.   

The thing is it often comes down to the kickers.  I cannot tell you the number of times I have seen a game where if a field goal had just been made the game would have been won.  Or perhaps the number of times I saw a game where the key was staying ahead of the opponents because of a made field goal.  

Quarterbacks get all of the glory.  A lot of times they are handsome.  They have strong and muscular arms.  They are supposed to the leader of the team on the field.  They get much of the credit and the blame when the game goes well or not.  They are the ones on television the most. 

Still, it is the kicker who often comes up in the clutch.  They stand there, separated from everyone else, the stadium often silent, judging the wind and visualizing the kick.  Then the snap comes.  The kicker moves, oblivious to all of the on-rushing players and noise and focusing just on the ball.  Hopefully the holder has gotten the ball and put it down just right.  Then the kicker kicks and off that ball goes.  It’s like time is suspended as that ball tumbles end over end over end.  Hopefully it goes right through the uprights and everyone is happy.  If it doesn’t work then everyone talks about how the kicker isn’t really part of the team and isn’t really a football player. 

Ever team during the off-season spends buckets of money on quarterbacks and receivers and defensive people.  Yeah, sure, they are always important.  However, many only think of the kicker as an afterthought.  Strange considering the name of the game is “foot” ball and the only time a foot actually touches the ball is when someone kicks it.  They are treated like the red-headed step-children and patted on the head and told to go back to the sidelines and keep kicking balls into nets.  It’s rather unfair really. 

How many times does a quarterback just totally blow a run down the field and fail to get the ball into the endzone.  Who always then has to come through and at least try to make sure the entire effort wasn’t for naught?  That’s right, the kicker is the one.  He has to come on the field and try like mad to kick that ball and hopefully come away with three points to at least the drive down-field isn’t for nothing. 

In many ways they are the unsung heroes.  Maybe they have the build of a dancer instead of the muscles of a quarterback but they sure do things I couldn’t do.  How on earth does someone kick a pall over fifty yard down a very narrow-looking corridor and keep the whole wind thing in mind?  I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t kick the damn ball ten yards.  To me that means they deserve respect.  They win games.  It was the kicker who extended the Bears season one more week at least.  It was the kicker who should get the credit if the Bears ultimately get to the Super Bowl.   

Then again, we’ll see how he does against the Saints next week.  He may turn from hero to goat just that quickly. 

Bryan W. Alaspa’s novel Dust is available in print and eBook format at his website www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.

The End is Nigh

People have been predicting the end of the world for nearly as long as there have been people to do any predicting.  Most of them have turned out to be, as you might have guessed, very wrong.  Of course this does not stop people from predicting the end of the world.  At the very least, one of these days, one of them is going to be right.   I figured I would at least add my discourse on the end of the world and my prediction is that it will happen about this time next Thursday.  This is just a rough estimate but it helps to at least put a date on the prediction. 

On Nov. 7 apparently a bunch of employees at O’Hare International Airport reported seeing some kid of UFO floating over the airport.  This was reported by several people reported to be very reputable.  These were not folks who staggered from the bar in the terminal out onto the tarmac and thought they saw a disk.  On the other had I once had a friend who was a baggage handler at O’Hare and he was constantly assuring us he had talked to supermodels like Paulina Poriskova when it was pretty much impossible for him to have done so unless she had decided to help him load her bags into the belly of the plane.  I state this just because I think the sanity of some airport employees needs to be called into question. 

Apparently this thing hovered over a gate for a while and everyone down below ran about like ants after their hill has been knocked over and made strange calls about it.  How no one managed to take a picture of this thing is what mystifies me.  You mean to tell me no one had a camera phone?  Doesn’t everyone have a camera phone?  I mean, I don’t have a camera phone, but that’s because I like to zig when the rest of the world is zagging, but that’s just me.  Anyway eventually this thing supposedly just shot up through the clouds so fast it left a strange hold in the clouds through which it had vanished. 

So, the question has to be, was it a UFO or some military plane?  Was it a weather balloon?  Was it some kind of strange light phenomenon or weather event like some people are claiming?   

My theory is that O’Hare has now gotten so busy that even intergalactic travel has to go through it.  More than likely it was stuck in a holding pattern like half of the air traffic up there probably is right now as I write this.  If you wonder why it’s taking so long for you to get through security or to get to your terminal at O’Hare it probably has to do with an alien carrying too much intergalactic hair gel. 

However, this has not been the only sighting over the past few weeks.  Not long ago there were more reports of UFOs.  In fact just this week I heard that there were reports of UFOs over Grovers Mills in
New Jersey.  For those of you unaware of your broadcasting history a guy named Orson Welles once did a radio play version of “War of the Worlds” that made it seem like the invasion was happening live on the radio.  The first of these aliens landed in Grovers Mills in the radio play version. 

My guess?  Same UFO.  I am betting this is a family of aliens looking to visit important UFO-related sites to us in the
U. S. of A.  You know what that can be like.  There are probably two or three screaming alien children all wondering if they were there yet and the alien parents were probably yelling at them to be quiet.  I have a feeling this is why they killed all of those bird in
Texas. 

Austin Texas is apparently having problems with birds being found dead all around town.  This can be somewhat upsetting what with the fear of bird flu that people have.  The problem is that they’ve done a bunch of tests on these birds and they haven’t found any reason for the deaths.  They don’t have any diseases that they can find.  These birds seemed to have just fallen out of the sky and died right there on the sidewalks.  My guess is that the vacationing alien father was driving and finally turned around to smack his kids and flew into a whole flock of birds. 

Meanwhile, across the country,
Colorado is nearly buried in snow.  There was an avalanche there just this past week and it killed a few people.  This snow could be very useful in Malibu which seems to be doing its very best to burn itself down over in
California.  Meanwhile the polar bears also wouldn’t mind some more of that snow since their snow seems to be melting so fast that the polar bears may be in some trouble. 

Somehow I think this is all connected to the aliens.  I think they are poised to invade.  More than likely they have heard our radio and television broadcasts about all of the problems with undocumented aliens and they just wanted to see what the big deal was.  Needless to say I don’t think the Minutemen or the wall that G.W. wants to build would do much to keep these guys out.  I am willing to bet they don’t want to do menial jobs for low pay either. 

Meanwhile Rosie and Trump are still screaming at each other long past the time when the rest of us even care.  I am starting to think both of them are aliens.  That would certainly explain Rosie’s abnormally large head and Donald’s hair and constantly pursed lips.  Only aliens could get human anatomy that wrong while trying to imitate us.  I think their assignment is to distract us from the coming invasion. 

All of this added up I think paints a clear picture of the world coming to an end.  I would bring up the fact that some volcanoes needed to erupt but with my luck as soon as I published this a volcano would erupt and then I would feel bad.  On the other hand that might open up a whole new career as a psychic for me.   

By the way, did you know that
Old Faithful is essentially a volcano?  Also that it hasn’t had a major eruption in a while?  Yeah, just wanted to leave that comforting thought in your head as I wound this column about disasters and the end of the world down. 

Of course, every time you look at any point in history it sure looks like you could make a case for it being the end of the world.  People are always at war.  People are always fighting.  There are always disasters.  It always looks like the world will just vanish in a puff of gas at any moment.  

Still, I am sticking by my prediction of next Thursday.  I think an alien station wagon will crash into the planet causing volcanoes to erupt, ice caps to melt and tornadoes will wipe out everything else.  Then again, that’s just me. 

Bryan W. Alaspa’s novel Dust is now available in print and eBook format at his website www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.

Morbid Fascination

It can be tough to be a compassionate human being.  I would love to tell you that I was above all morbid curiosity and had no desire to see anything horrible happen to another human being.  I think a lot of people would like to feel that way.  I am willing to bet most people tell other people that they are not the type who would slow down to peer at the plastic-covered body at the side of the road where the car accident occurred.  Having sat in enough gapers-delays I can tell you that most of those people have to be lying. 

Another person dying, no matter what that person may have done, is a disturbing thing.  I don’t really care how cast-iron your stomach is when you see someone die and it is done violently it has to have an effect on you.  Millions of dollars and hundreds of hours are spent trying to train soldiers and others who may have to take lives in the course of their day-to-day jobs so that they can shut down their emotions.  In years past, even as recently as the Vietnam War, it was thought you could simply take a soldier who was out dodging bullets and knifing the enemy on a Sunday and deposit him back in his regular life on Monday and everything would just be fine.  Of course we now know this is not the case. 

Much of basic training at least used to be about breaking down the emotions of the individuals soldiers so you could then build them back up into killing machines.  It can’t be easy to be a sniper and get a nice close-up view of the person you are about to kill and then see the damage your bullet causes once the trigger has been pulled.  The effort that goes into training people to be able to make that decision to pull that trigger and then move on to another target must be staggering. 

For the regular people out there, like you and me, we don’t even have that kind of training.  Of course the world certainly seems to have no shortage of sociopaths.  These are the people who see other people as toys and things to be played with but not actually felt for.  Those are people who would stand there and watch someone dying without feeling anything.  You sometimes see these folks becoming serial killers. 

Still, even those of us who are not serial killers have to acknowledge there are dark instincts in the backs of our minds.  We have a fascination with death.  We wonder how we will face our own.  We wonder what it must be like to be facing your death and knowing that in a moment you are going to die.  You have to wonder about what it must be like to be locked in a cell on Death Row and to be watching the clock knowing the last few hours, minutes and seconds of your life are ticking down.  I cannot imagine that.  I cannot imagine being calmly lead to a death chamber and being strapped down or tied up and behaving like I was simply on a trip to the dentist. 

So, it is with this curiosity that thousands of people have gone online to see the unofficial Saddam Hussein hanging.  The official one, of course, was released and it was silent and stopped just after that very large noose was placed around the man’s head.  Of course those who conducted the hanging are not being accused of not doing it with dignity and being chastised for hurling insults at the man before he died.  Of course, had not some guy snuck his camera phone into the chamber to film the thing we never would have known for sure about the taunts and jabs.   

At least three people have now been arrested for filming that unauthorized video and then posting it around the world.  I think the people involved are just embarrassed that what actually happened got out to the world so the rest of the world knows that, in many ways, the new boss is very much similar to the old boss.  Sure, maybe Saddam wasn’t tortured by having the bottoms of his feet whipped until the bled and then being hanged, but essentially it proved that entire part of the world is populated with nuts.  Sorry to anyone who may be from that part of the world, but you have to realize that to most of the planet you all look like lunatics.   

I have to admit I have looked at the video.  You don’t see the actual breaking of the man’s neck.  You see him fall from view and then get a shot later that shows his face twisted upwards and his neck obviously broken and his eyes staring blankly.  One thing I can say is that it certainly looks like his death was much faster and more humane that the people he killed using horrific poison gas and other horrible methods.   

That curiosity is there.  You just can’t help it.  I have it.  I admit it.  I am a writer and my books are filled with murder and murderers.  I have visited the idea of child-murderers up to three times in works of fiction I have written.  I simply cannot imagine anything more horrific or evil than someone who would hurt, injure or murder a child.  So, it is easy for me to pull this up as the ultimate example of evil when I want to create a truly despicable villain. 

I felt the urge a year or two back when the videos were being shown of hostages in
Iraq being beheaded.  I knew it was awful.  I knew it would haunt me.  I knew it would be some of the most horrific things a person could see.  Yet, with the internet the way it is now, I also know the unedited footage could be found.  I saw two of them.  Each was as disturbing and horrific as I thought.  Yet, I couldn’t help it.  I had a curiosity.  I wondered.  My imagination wondered what it must have been like to be there.  I could not imagine the fear. 

That darkness resides in all of us.  Some of us fight it better than others, I suppose.  I guess some could argue I am sick and twisted and weak for looking at these things.  I think that curiosity is natural for people.  What mystery could really be bigger than that of death?  Even those with faith in what awaits them in the afterlife still have to wonder about it.  Will it really be like you’ve always heard?  What if you’re wrong? 

It’s natural for humans to give in, at least a little, to the dark side.  Whether you slow that car down to check out how bad the accident is or pause to linger over a bloodstain you have given into that dark side.  I don’t think you should be ashamed of it.  It’s part of being human.  We should stop being afraid of being human as much as we are these days. 

Bryan W. Alaspa’s novel Dust is available in print and eBook format at his website www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.  

The Reluctant Leader

When someone famous dies it can have a strange effect on you.  You probably didn’t really know them.  In a lot of cases they are often old anyway so it’s hard to exactly say you were surprised to hear that they passed away.  Still, something about that particular person brings back strong memories and it causes you to take a moment to pause and reflect and remember that person.  This was my reaction when I learned of the death of President Gerald Ford. 

Ford was 93.  Even by today’s standards that’s still pretty old.  He had certainly not been in great health for the past couple of years.  When I saw him at Reagan’s funeral I made the comment that we would probably be having another one of these funerals in the near future.  I immediately pointed to Ford.  I didn’t think he looked so good.  I also pointed out that George Bush the First is in his eighties, although he still looks pretty healthy.  I also mentioned that Margaret Thatcher didn’t look very good and had apparently suffered some kind of stroke.  You had better believe Maggie’s funeral is going to be a big deal when her time finally comes. 

So, I have to say I wasn’t exactly shocked when I heard that President Ford had passed away.  Still, I had one of those moments when I realized a part of history was over.  I then had a moment to realize that it was a moment of history that I was actually alive during and had some vague memory of.  I have to say that President Ford was the first president I actually sort of remembered.  I remembered his face on television.  I remembered the men who droned on and on during the news talking about him.  I remember the WIN magnet we had on our refrigerator back then.   

Ford came into the Presidency by accident, as you have probably heard now.  But when you stop and think about it he was just the right guy at just the right time.  Imagine if someone more like the president he was replacing had stepped in.  Nixon was an Imperialist.  He ran a very tight ship and considered himself rightfully in absolute control of everything.  Of course his obsession with power and keeping that power was ultimately his undoing.  Ford, of course, had found himself a heartbeat away from the Presidency almost by accident. 

Ford was a senator.  By all accounts he was a damn good one.  Spiro Agnew was the Vice President under Nixon but was forced to resign due to a scandal.  Seems Nixon just managed to surround himself with scandals and some were of his making and some were not.  Ford had ambitions of making it to Speaker of House, a position of great power as well.  He was picked by Nixon to replace Agnew.  Then, lo and behold, Nixon had to follow Agnew in resignation.  Ford, without ever running for either high office, was now President of the
United States. 

Can you imagine how that must have felt?  When Harry Truman took office after
Roosevelt died he reportedly told Eleanor Roosevelt that he felt like the sky, sun, moon and all of the stars had fallen on his shoulders.  Considering there was an unpopular war still being fought (sound familiar) and the country was reeling from the corruption that had been uncovered in what was the face of the nation to the rest of the world the whole mess must have seemed like something we would never get out of to Gerald Ford.  Had he wanted to, without having been chosen by the public, he could have made himself a kind of Emperor.  He originally said he had no ambitions to run in the next election.  Had he kept that idea he would have had no one to answer to.  He could have at least attempted to do almost anything. 

Instead, as I said, he was the right man at the right time.  He was more accessible to the public and the media that Nixon.  He was more willing to talk to people as regular people.  He was also, without a doubt, a man who loved his country and the ideals set-forth in the Constitution.  In short, he was a good guy and, for a politician, and honest guy.  I haven’t reviewed every moment of the man’s life but he sure seems to have been, on the whole, an honest man.   

Of course we all know the trouble he found himself in when he pardoned Nixon.  At the time the country was still a mass of open wounds.  People were crying for blood. 
Vietnam had just ended.  Thousands of wounded, mentally and physically, soldiers were coming home with haunted eyes and terrible stories.  Watergate had shattered the public’s faith in government.  People wanted to hang Nixon from the highest rafter they could find.  Ford, again, playing the right man a the right time, somehow managed to see past that and do what was, ultimately, right for the country.  He pardoned the man. 

Think about the guts that must have taken.  Everyone in the country wanted Nixon to go on trial, or so it seemed.  They wanted him tarred and feathered.  They wanted him in prison.  What would that have solved?  What good would have come from putting a former president in prison?  It would have done no good to watch a protracted and long trial played out on television.  It would have caused further harm and deeper wounds to see Nixon sitting there answering questions and attempting to defend himself.  Ford was able to see past the bloodlust and see what was good for everyone and make the right decision.  Even those who criticized him severely at the time have since changed their views and admitted it was the right thing to have done.  It takes some kind of mind to see two or three decades into the future and know that eventually the country would come around to your way of thinking. 

Ford did it knowing it would probably cost him.  He must have known that voters would hold it against him if he did decide to run in the next election.  He did it anyway.  It’s hard to imagine any president since then doing something like that knowing it would probably cost them the next election.  These days CYA seems to be the norm in
Washington.  See what I mean, he was a good guy.  It’s too bad there haven’t been more of those in that seat of power since him.   

We all know what happened.  Ford lost to Carter.  It’s hard to imagine that Ford was only president for around two years.  When I think back to my vague childhood memories of him it seems like he was president much longer.  I think that was because he was always on television.  He was always letting us in on what he was doing.  Again, this is something administrations could learn from in the future. 

So, yes, Ford was old and he was sick.  His death was not a shock, at least to me.  Still, I think it’s nice to pause and remember a guy who didn’t want the reigns of power but seemed extraordinarily suited for them once he got them.  He did good for this country and he was a decent guy.  Not a bad record, if you ask me. 

Bryan W. Alaspa’s novel Dust is available in print and eBook format at www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.

2006: A Look Back

2006 was quite a year.  Yes, quite a year.  If you are anything like me then you are probably standing here at the end of the year and looking back and saying, “When the hell did this happen?  How the hell did I get here?  What the hell happened?”  Christmas has just passed and that means New Years is right in the viewfinder.  I am not a fan of New Years Eve.  I have no plans this year after spending the last couple of years working at a radio station on New Years Eve.  I loved working New Years Eve at the radio station.  It was more fun than being in a crowd somewhere celebrating the descent of some usually-round-shaped-object. 

But it is now the time to look back at the year that was.  Being one who loves to make lists, I thought this would be a great way to make yet another one. 

January started out full of hope but is probably best remembered by those who follow world events as the month that Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon had a massive stroke.  To those who don’t follow world politics and just like to panic about things there was still the world-wide one going on about bird flu.  It was also the month where a South Korean scientist was shown to have lied about cloning a human.  Meanwhile in
Iraq things continued as normal which, of course, means things kept exploding and far too many soldiers and citizens continued to die because of it. 

February arrived and the
United States followed its tradition of forgetting what is going on in the rest of the world and focused on what’s really important: The Super Bowl.  The Steelers of Pittsburgh manage to beat the Seahawks of Seattle 21-10 in a very boring game that does little to make anyone look forward the game the following year.  Meanwhile a passenger ferry in Egypt sank in the
Red Sea taking a lot of people right down with it.  The Grammy Awards are held and U2 manages to win “Most Smug and Superior Lead Singer” of the year awards along with several others.  Also, the Winter Olympics starts and my house gets excited but Bryant Gumbel makes stupid comments about how boring these events are compared the infinitely more-boring “March Madness” of the following month. 

In March the first World Baseball Classic starts and proves that you can take America’s past-time, make it global and the
U.S. will immediately lose interest in it.  The
U.S. team is eliminated rather quickly but other parts of the world actually do seem to care about this contest.  Japan ends up beating
Cuba in the Championship and winning the thing.  The Academy Awards are held and there is much buzz and uncomfortable conversation among men about the movie “

Brokeback
Mountain.”  It wins best picture despite every male saying he has never seen, nor will be ever see, this particular movie event though there’s nothing wrong with it, really.   

Come April Ariel Sharon, despite being in a coma for four months, is finally officially removed from office.  Many in the
United States wonder when George Bush, obviously in some kind of stupor at the very least, will follow suit.  The President of Iran announces to the world that
Iran has produced enriched uranium.  He then goes on to declare that the sun is actually the moon and that the color blue is actually a more-pleasant shade of pink.  Zacarias Moussaoui is sentenced to life in prison and this greatly reduces the value of his martyr trading cards.  Also, little-known writer Bryan W. Alaspa decides he might like to start freelance writing in his spare time and starts blogging. 

May dawned and people continued to protest immigration laws by staging something called The Great American Boycott.  Considering no one can remember exactly what this was its effect is obviously staggering.  A number of miners are trapped in
Australia.  After 14 torturous days underground two miners of the fourteen trapped, Todd Russell and Brant Webb are rescued.  A huge earthquake hits Java in
Indonesia and 6,000 people are estimated to have been killed. 

June started with the revelation of a terrorist ring being broken up in Toronto with allegations the group was planning to blow up targets in and around
Toronto.  The United States is once again forced to admit that
Canada exists.  Notorious terrorist Abu Masab al-Zarqawi and seven of his helpers are killed in an air-raid in
Iraq.  The World Cup starts.  Most of the
United States yawns and wonders what else is on television.  The Miami Heat wins the NBA Championship and people like me who hate the NBA continue to watch baseball.  Also, the Carolina Hurricanes beat the Edmonton Oilers to win the Stanley Cup and three people notice.  Two of them are Canadian and one is my friend in
St. Louis.  Even the players on both teams are disinterested and when asked why they are celebrating they reply “we were just told this was, finally, the last damn game of the season!”  This happens on June 19.  June 20^th, the next season of the NHL starts. 

In July Kim Jong Il steps up and shocks much of the world by launching 7 missiles including a long-range missile that is called the Taepodong-2.  Everyone in the world immediately laughs at the name of the missile. 
Italy wins the FIFA World Cup in overtime on penalty kicks.  Something finally interesting happens during a match when French Team player Zinedine Zidane head-butts Italian player Materazzi.  This immediately goes up on YouTube and played countlessly even by people who have no idea what the World Cup is. 
St. Louis gets hit by two huge derechos (fancy meteorologist-speak for “windstorm”) within three days.  Friends immediately send e-mails and pictures to Bryan W. Alaspa who is terrified of bad weather and storms to further add to his collection of weather-related nightmares.  Floyd Landis wins the Tour De France and almost immediately is accuse of doping when he fails, appropriately enough, a doping test.   

August starts off with the comforting news of massive arrests in
England of potential terrorists who have binary compounds disguised as sports drinks that they plan to use to blow up dozens of aircraft at once.  All liquids are immediately banned on flights everywhere.  August is also the month where the Milky Way Galaxy loses a planet when the parameters of what constitutes a planet are changed by something called the International Astronomical Union.  While also winning an award for “Most Pretentious Sounding Organizational Name” it makes Pluto essentially a large snowball and demotes it from planet.   

In September Andre Agassi, and his hair (or lack thereof these days), retires from tennis.  Pope Benedict makes a speech in
Germany where he states that Islam is a religion that promotes violence.  Islam immediately responds that this is not true by violently protesting and making threats of violence as proof that they are not, in fact, violent.  The Pope attempts to hold up a dictionary to point out the word “irony” to the Islamic world but it is largely ignored due to the violence.  Spinach was found contaminated with E. Coli which prompts many children to collectively yell “See!” to their parents.  The Superdome in
New Orleans reopens after the disaster of Hurricane Katrina when the Saints play.  Also, Representative Mark Foley is forced to resign when explicit e-mails are found wherein he sexually harasses an underage male page.  The Republicans do all they can to disavow Foley and try to plant incriminating Democratic evidence in his home. 

October opens sadly when tragedy strikes in the Amish community in
Pennsylvania when five young women are killed in a one-room schoolhouse.  Charles Carl Roberts is the gunman and the reasons for his rampage are confusing and profoundly sad.   Meanwhile just to add comfort to the world who thought the Cold War was over
North Korea announces it has successfully conducted its first-ever nuclear test.  Google buys YouTube for 1.65 billion dollars which causes the rest of the world to wonder exactly when the world is going to end because this HAS to be a sign of the Apocalypse.  The
St. Louis Cardinals manage to win the World Series despite winning under 100 games during the regular season.  Even diehard sports fans such as myself collectively yawn.  Bob Barker announces he will retire from The Price is Right which has been running successfully in one form or another since Ancient Egypt.  John Kerry makes a stupid joke (he says) that manages to tick off everyone who is currently wearing or had once worn a military uniform.  The Democrats wonder if they can box Kerry up and store him somewhere until after the mid-term elections. 

November opens with the announcement from the magazine “Science” that 90% of marine life will be extinct by 2048.  By November 3 Saddam Hussein and two if his senior aides are sentenced to death by hanging under the charge of crimes against humanity and having a poorly groomed beard.  The mid-term elections are held and the Democrats win back both the House and Senate.  George Bush announces he was just kidding all along about Donald Rumsfeld and he “resigns” almost immediately.  Al Jazeera launches and English-language counterpart.  Many protest but some just want to go to the website and watch the thing to see what the hubbub is since you can’t see it on cable anywhere just yet.  Michael Richards launches a racist tirade at a comedy club causing many to wonder exactly when Michael Richards suddenly decided he was a stand-up comic.   

Finally, December comes and the year finally comes to an end.  The President continues to ignore the special study about
Iraq.  Rush Limbaugh continues to bluster and blather and other conservatives attempt to pretend everything is going great over there if the media would just stop showing the hundreds of dead people being blown to bits while trying to get to work or the market.  By December 13 the Chinese River Dolphin is officially declared extinct.  U.S. Senator Tim Johnson suffers a stroke and undergoes emergency surgery causing worries about the balance of power in the Senate.  A Libyan court sentences give Bulgarian nurses and a Palestinian doctor to death for knowingly infecting hundreds of Libyan children with HIV.  Fighting breaks out between Palestinian groups within
Palestine. 
Israel sighs and watches waiting to see if the two sides will, essentially, destroy each other.  On Christmas the Godfather of Soul and the Hardest Working Man in showbiz, James Brown, dies of heart failure due to complications with pneumonia.   

Thus was the year that was.  In there somewhere were also things like the death of the Crocodile Hunter and the release of the
Iraq study that George W. continues to ignore.  Things got worse in a place known as Darfur in Africa and in
Iraq.  All in all, it was a year most would probably agree it’s best that it just ends.  So, now we look forward to 2007.  Hopefully little-known writer Bryan W. Alaspa will finally get an offer from a newspaper or magazine either online or in print to write these columns for them and get paid so-as to make all of the effort a little more worthwhile. 

If you want to start 2007 out right you can buy Bryan W. Alaspa’s novel Dust which is available in print and eBook form at www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.

Maintaining Neutrality

Being a cynic and, therefore, a natural skeptic is tough at times.  Essentially you are stuck in a perpetual Catch-22 scenario.  This is especially true when it comes to conspiracy theories.  Sometimes you hear one and say to yourself, “hmm, that sounds like it could be valid.”  Much of them involve large corporations doing things just for themselves to the detriment of everyone else.  As a cynics you may think to yourself, “this sound valid.  Sure, corporation would only think about themselves and just think about the bottom line and I bet they would sacrifice their own grandmother if it would improve their bottom line.”  You may even have first hand experience with this concept.  However, just as you think that you have to think, “at the same time the conspiracy theorists are wanting to get everyone on their side to justify their existence and so, of course, they are must present a compelling argument to do so.  Therefore, their evidence must be suspect.”  In general this creates a kind of situation where you are perpetually stuck between two opposing forces convinced everyone is a jerk and no one wants to do anything good for anyone. 

So, it is with this in mind that I came across this idea of “Internet Neutrality.”  As it turns out, it’s something that has been brought up on shows like “The Daily Show.”  Of course “The Daily Show” also has a pronounced liberal/libertarian bent so you have to keep that in mind as well.  I will attempt to explain what this in case you are like me and coming a little late to this particular party. 

Apparently the best way to explain it is to think of the internet like a pipeline between the computer and the Net.  Supposedly, the way things are arranged now every website has the same chance as any other website to become popular or not become popular because they should, in theory, be able to get to your computer when you go there as fast as any other website.  This, to me, seems like a over-simplification and patently untrue, but this seems to be the argument those who are pro-neutrality are trying to use in their favor.  Because each website can use the same tools as any other and can be downloaded at the same rate as any other this achieves some kind of internet utopia.  It creates “Net Neutrality.”   

According to those who are pro-neutrality the big internet service providers are trying to set up a second pipeline.  Essentially this second pipeline will be for various partner who would pay the internet service providers large amounts of money for their sites to show up more and download faster than the regular schlubs out there who don’t pay those fees.  As you might imagine this creates a caste system on the internet with the wealthy on the surface and the lower-end folks slaving away in the mines and the machines beneath the city (for a clearer idea of this analogy please see the silent film “Metropolis.”) 

Now, here is where the cynic in me starts to debate.  OK, it seems perfectly logical to me that huge, unthinking and uncaring corporations who are always looking for a way to screw someone over to make an extra dime would want to find a way to charge huge fees for people to use their services and make their websites more noticeable or to download faster.  On the other hand, I also believe in free enterprise and have an idea that there are a lot of people out there who truly do believe every corporation really is truly evil and has no place in the world.  I believe that corporations, as a whole, are usually evil but I do know that they tend to have some caring and compassionate people working for them. 

I also use the internet.  I have a website.  I try to sell my books on this thing.  I certainly want to have the same chance as someone who has a ton of money and a major publisher behind him or her to market their books.  I can currently delude myself into believing that the only reason I have not started a groundswell of support for my books is because I just haven’t spent enough time marketing and not because my website has anything wrong with it. 

So, in the end, I guess I support the idea of Net Neutrality.  I like the free-wheeling feel of the internet as it stands these days.  In a lot of ways the internet is like the ole west.  You have to be tough to walk the streets of the net.  You have to be able and willing to defend yourself at a moment’s notice.   Yes, I am being overly melodramatic but I also feel there is some truth to the idea.  It is a true open marketplace.  I have to wonder, though, are the big internet service providers really ganging up on the little guys?  According to some websites there have been measures defeated in Congress to try to create that second pipeline.  Of course, just because it was defeated in the
U.S. what would stop some company from doing the same thing in another country? 

If you have an interest in this you might want to check out www.savetheinternet.com.  Of course, this is the site that is pro-neutrality and has that liberal spin to it.  While I am a cynic I am also, generally speaking, liberal about a lot of things so my tendency is to take the liberal stance over the conservative one.  I am also on record here many times talking about how heartless and soulless big companies are.   

I think the internet should just sort itself out.  Those who are determined and want to sick with it will, I think, eventually find some success.  That bubble that burst in the 90s sorted out a lot of the useless junk and people who didn’t have a clear plan.  I know because I worked for a large number of them at the time.  In each case I entered an office full of hope and excitement but no clear idea of how to make money or how to move forward.  So, what you had was a company running all over the country and spending thousands and thousands of dollars in travel expenses alone with no clear idea how more money was going to come in.  I even worked for one company that had big ideas about stock options that ended up being worth a few pennies when things went sour.   

Such things are destined to happen when you set out in a new frontier.  The people who ran out into the west looking for gold most of the time came back empty-handed.  Those who had an actual plan and did some research and had just a little bit of luck and determination usually found a way to make it.  Maybe they didn’t find gold but they found out you could make a lot of money selling gold mining supplies to nuts looking for gold. 

In short, I think internet neutrality is a good thing.  You can send off an e-mail to your congress-persons on that website.  It doesn’t take long to do.  It’s nice to say hello to those people anyway.  Sometimes they need a reminder of who they really look for.  Of course, I am rather cynical about all of that anyway. 

Bryan W. Alaspa’s novel Dust is available in print and eBook format on his website www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.

Athletes Behaving Badly

Right now the city of
Chicago is caught up in Bears-fever.  People are somehow convinced that they will be playing in the Super Bowl in February.  Of course, given the most-recent performance they will be lucky to be in the lead at any point during their first playoff game.  Still, hope springs eternal, as they say.  The thing is that the team is just a tad distracted.  You see one of their key defensive players is a moron of galactic proportions. 

Tank Johnson is a very big man.  He is a big scary looking man and he is on the defense of the Bears.  The defensive side of the team is the strong part of the team, or so they say.  He is an intimidating man.  Much like the character of Lenny from “Of Mice and Men” he is also apparently as dumb as a stump and that is quite and insult to a few stumps I have met in my time.   

Mr. Johnson is already on probation for being caught outside a
Chicago nightclub with his Ruger 9mm.  Of course everyone knows that you cannot visit a
Chicago nightclub without your 9mm automatic pistol.  I mean, come on, if you don’t have one when you arrive at some of the more popular nightclubs around her they issue you one.  Anyway, apparently the police don’t take to kindly to the idea of large, potentially violent men who may have been drinking walking around the streets with loaded pistols.  So, Tank got himself arrested and he is currently on probation. 

Tank got himself into trouble again back in February of this year by being at another nightclub and disrupting traffic with a limo he had hired.  The genius then insulted police officers and got into a scuffle with them.  The police ended up macing him.   

This past Thursday morning the police in the northern suburb of Gurnee issues a warrant to search Tank’s home.  Once again Tank was found possessing firearms without a license.  In fact six misdemeanor counts of possession of a firearm without a license were issued against Tank.  Why exactly this man feels the need to carry so many firearms is unclear.  Like I said, he isn’t exactly a genius. 

What happened next has to qualify Tank for the Moron Hall of Fame.  Instead of staying home and learning from the fact that he and nightclubs do not mix he decided to go out to another nightclub.  The details of what happened are not really clear.  He got into some kind of trouble.  Shots were fired.  A man who is a close friend to Tank and his supposed bodyguard was killed in the shooting.  Needless to say Tank was not in the game this past Sunday and most of
Chicago is saying it’s time to cut their losses and let him go. 

As of the end of the

Tampa
Bay and Chicago Bears game Bears coach Lovie Smith was reported as saying Tank was still part of the team.  I predict this will last until sometime on Monday and then we shall see who is still on the Bears.  Regardless of how I think they will do in the post-season the Bears are in the playoff hunt and the very last thing they need is such a distraction. 

You have to wonder about football players.  I wonder if maybe something akin to post-traumatic stress syndrome happens to them.  They play a violent game and for three hours or more every week they are expected to pound the hell out of other men using their bare hands.  It takes a certain type of person to do that and they are the type of persons who might be a little prone to violence.  We just throw them back into civilization on Monday and expect them to be model citizens.  Maybe that’s a tad unrealistic. 

There is no excuse, however, for basketball players.  The NBA is rapidly becoming about as safe to watch as a gangland shootout.  A recent game between the New York Nicks and Denver Nuggets descended into chaos and fighting.  Exactly why this happened isn’t clear.  The New York Nicks pretty much suck like a
Hoover vacuum cleaner.  One of the players on the
New York team grabbed one of the Nuggets around the neck and threw him to the ground.  In hockey this would be acceptable.  In basketball this is frowned upon.  

However, before you knew it one of the Nuggets players came over and cold-cocked one of the
New York players and then bravely backed up rapidly and ran away.  You have to admire the sportsmanship in the NBA.  What exactly happened to this particular sport?  Michael Jordan may have had an issue with gambling and Scottie Pippen may have been a big baby at least more than once but they never ran around punching other people.  Dennis Rodman may have, but the big guys didn’t.  Now you never know when a fight is going to break out when you are watching and NBA game. 

What is amazing is that the NFL players don’t get into fights on the field nearly as much.  You see some pushing and shoving but rarely is there a fight that breaks out and clears both benches.  I don’t know if this is because the refs are better in that particular sport and get them to stop faster than others or what.  Maybe it’s the fact that about two minutes after the supposed violation or insult you get another chance to try and pound that other person into hamburger meat.   

Then again you look at a sport like hockey where fighting is almost encouraged.  People gleefully smash other player’s faces into the boards and glass.  Blood can easily be found on most ice rinks.  Yet they hardly ever seem to get into trouble outside of the rink.  There have been exceptions, of course, you have to admit that that as a whole the hockey players are very well-behaved.  They also tend not to get involved in shooting each other in the behinds with steroids.  Of course, the trade-off is that they play in a sport that no one cares about except for a bunch of Canadians and my friend Scott.   

There’s something wrong in sports.  I don’t know if it’s the money and the fact that athletes seem to be getting younger or younger.  I don’t know if it’s the type of people who get offered huge contracts.  I don’t know if it’s the fact that these people get surrounded by sickening sycophants who cater to their every whim no matter how ridiculous.  I just know that too many athletes seem to think it’s all right to treat everyone else like garbage, that it’s ok to resort to violence, and that you really need to be walking around carrying weapons. 

I just know that Tank Johnson needs to get off of the Bears.  He is a distraction they don’t need.  He is also apparently unnecessary.  Finally, apparently he is an idiot and really football has enough of those to go around.  Yes, I am talking about you Terrell Owens. 

 

Bryan W. Alaspa’s novel Dust is now available in print and eBook format at his website www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.  Once again, it would make a great Christmas present.

Closer than We Thought

I was watching television not very long ago and I happened to stumble across the show “Primetime Live.”  It’s tough to keep the news magazine shows separate, and I will acknowledge that.  They all seem to tell the same stories with the same dramatic flair and they like to repeat the same stories over and over and over again.  At this point if there is a creep looking for underage children on the internet and who gets invited anywhere and DOESN’T expect Christ Hansen to step out of the kitchen then that person not only deserved to be arrested and locked away forever for being a pervert but he deserves to be tackled by police and locked away from the light for being stupid. 

This show was not about anything to do with the internet.  You may have seen this story.  It really made me think and it made me wonder.  Of course, I also wondered for selfish reasons, but it also just made me curious.  It studied a fairly common phrase among most people and that is the idea that every person is only “six degrees” away from anyone else. 

You are probably aware of this idea even if you are not aware of the fact that it was a concept even before they applied it to the actor Kevin Bacon.  The idea is that anyone in the world is six people away from you and if you just make a phone call to a friend that friend will, in turn, know someone else and that person will know someone else and, eventually, you will find yourself face-to-face with that person in only about six people. 

On this particular episode they put it to the test.  They found a man who is a boxer and lives in a very poor area of
Brooklyn.  They then found two people who lived on the upper-east and –west sides of
New York and showed them a picture of the boxer.  They gave a name and who he was and where he was and told them to go find him.  The thing they could not do was just look up the gym where he worked out and call over there.  They had to reach out, as the first step, to someone they already knew. 

What was amazing to watch was that each of them reached out to someone they knew and took vastly different approaches to it but each of them managed to get to the boxer.  The guy they found actually managed to get to the boxer in five steps and he got there first.  The woman who owned a magazine in the
Hamptons managed to make it in exactly six links but she managed to find an entirely different route. 

It was pretty cool but then the idea came to the producers to try and reverse it.  Sure, when you went to people who were relatively wealthy and moved in large circles of power and had potentially hundreds of acquaintances and contacts it might be relatively easy to find someone.  The question was, is it easier to go downhill then to look back uphill.  So, they gave the boxer a picture of a pretty young woman who is a dancer on Broadway and had just landed a part in a revival of “A Chorus Line” and told him to do the same thing.  Now, how could a guy who lived in a poor part of town, had never been to a Broadway musical, and mostly knew other boxers find his way there?  Surprisingly he did it and he did it pretty easily. 

It really made me think.  It turns out there is a university that has been doing a study on an even wider scale for some time now.  They have people in the U.S. and other countries and assign them someone to find in
Australia or other parts of the world.  What the study has found is that even with an entire planet between the connections it was still possible to make the connection and do it, usually, in about six links.  This study is done mostly through e-mails. 

So, I had to wonder, if this is the case then it raises a few questions.  For example, does that mean I am only six links away from talking face-to-face with Stephen King?  The one man I would love to meet and talk with might only be six people away, if based upon this theory.  However, wouldn’t it be vastly difficult to do?  Wouldn’t I run into people in the publishing world who would not want to give up his name?  Wouldn’t it be easier to do if I had a television camera crew and producers who would let Mr. King know that some nut-job in Chicago who fancied himself a writer was going to see if he could get to him?  I am thinking doing the search through a television show may make things a little bit easier than trying to do this on your own.  Everyone wants to be on television, right? 

If everyone around the world is really only six links away from everyone else then why is it so damn hard to find Osama?  Couldn’t Bush actually do it himself?  Given this theory shouldn’t he be able to pick up a phone and make a call?  Aren’t the rest of Osama’s family rather wealthy oil-type people who actually hang out in fancy rich circles and attend school here in the
U.S.?  Seems to me the CIA should be picking up a phone call and making a few phone calls.  A boxer found a dancer so a CIA guy should be able to find a guy in a cave, I think. 

Technically, would we even need a CIA?  What about an FBI?  Why was it so darn hard to find the Unabomber?  Maybe the whole thing is that people still feel like they are isolated and alone and don’t realize that they may be closer to that guy across the street or that pretty woman standing on the corner than they actually realized.  Maybe it’s an idea whose time as come and maybe, just maybe, the entire theory needs to be looked at and a major change in the way we think should take place.  If we really are that close to each other, maybe the things you do and say have more of an effect than you realize.  Turns out that you may be closer to that person standing next to you than you realize.  Maybe that means you shouldn’t be so rude to that person when standing in line to by your venti whatever. 

The planet, relatively speaking, is a very large object.  In the vast scheme of the universe, it’s actually really tiny.  While you may believe in a god or God or deity the fact is, down here, every day, we are on our own to get through it.  That means we should start finding a way to rely on each other more.  Maybe people need to realize they are not just in this for themselves but that what they do has a potential ripple effect that could touch all of us.   

Then again, I am supposed to be a cynic and this whole article is starting to sound very optimistic.  It must be the Christmas music or something.   

Bryan W. Alaspa’s novel Dust is available in print and eBook format on his website www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.  Buy it and encourage a friend to do so.