The Dumb Squad

If you are anything like me, first of all let me give you my condolences, then you were made to feel afraid, very afraid, when you saw Lindsay, Britney and Paris all in the same car together.  The combined brainpower in that vehicle had to equal about one watt and they were behind the wheel of a vehicle that must weigh close to a ton or more.  It certainly made me glad that I did not live anywhere near wherever they were likely driving and puking and endangering pedestrians. 

At some point it must have become cool for young women to be stupid.  I know this is something that has been written about before and by others but it really struck me while I sat there looking at the photograph of those three in a car.  I don’t understand what kind of message this sends to anyone who might be young and also female.  Hell, I wonder what kind of message it sends to anyone anywhere about anything.  These are the people we deem newsworthy?   

The list of the dumb women seems to be getting long all the time.  There is Britney who likes to walk into gas station restrooms barefoot and drive with her infant son on her lap.  There is Paris who says “that’s hot” as though it means something and isn’t annoying.  There is Lindsay who seems to be partying at a rate that makes me wonder if she has some kind of fatal disease and is trying to pack as much drinking into her life as possible before she dies.  There is Jessica Simpson who has made being dumb a career move.  Her sister is Ashlee who probably wouldn’t be able to find her way out of a large paper bag if you left it tilted on its side with opening wide open.  There is Tara Reid who walks around topless and seems to be giving Lindsay a run for her money when it comes to the partying.   

What happens in the lives of these children?  Do their parents just get caught up in it?  Do they either decide to put their kids into the entertainment world or listen to the kid and let them enter the entertainment world and just decide to stop caring about them?  Britney didn’t just decide one day to get photos taken of her getting out of a car with Paris Hilton where you can clearly see her most private or areas.  She had to slowly develop that way.  She must have had potential as a child to be smart.  Somewhere along the way someone must have seen she could sing with some ability and then decided to focus just on that and not the rest of the training the rest of us got.  Somewhere along the way she missed the lesson that one should not wear a skirt so short everyone can see your hoo-hoo without the need of a high-powered lens. 

With
Paris you begin to understand at least part of it.  She was born into wealth.  Nothing breeds idiocy like money.  Yes, sure, I am positive you can point to people who are the exceptions that only prove the rule.  Even Paris’ own sister seems to be just slightly more intelligent and more adjusted in some way than
Paris. 
Paris is like some kind of female Forrest Gump. She just blows on the wind and flits and flirts from one place to another like a feather.  She seems bored with life.  She certainly seemed bored with sex on that infamous tape.  She does not look like a person who you could have a conversation with.  She seems the type who you would ask, “how’s the weather?” and she would reply “whether what?” 

I tend to like women who can hold up their end of the conversation.  To me, at least, a brain is very sexy.  A great conversation can be almost as powerful as a romantic interlude.  On the other hand there seem to be other men who agree that the dumber the better.  As for me, I will stick with women who may actually know what is going on in the world and avoid those who may be stumped about which world they may actually be currently standing on. 

I guess this is a phenomenon to go hand in hand with the craziness gene that seems to have kicked in with the older celebrities these days.  If they aren’t standing on a stage or being pulled over by police to spout hateful things then the celebrities are as dumb as a post and making sex tapes.  Why would anyone who wants to be in the public eye make a sex tape?  Is there a woman alive who thinks that when the man tells her that if they make a tape it will just be for private viewing and will be erased?  Does anyone really think that no matter what that boyfriend will not show that video to about half a dozen friends or post it on the internet?  I should know as I have probably downloaded at least half of the world’s supposedly private sex tapes.  I’m not proud of that fact, just desperately lonely. 

I digress, however.  I guess when you look back throughout history the actual female role models who were intelligent were few and far between.  All too often the women who were strong and smart were mocked in later generations.  Sure, Susan B. Anthony may be a great role model and a smart woman but most men wouldn’t want a calendar of her on their walls.  Despite the fact that most of the men I know are no brainiacs themselves (and I am including myself in this group) they are still the people who are in control of much of the world.  Men being in control of much of the world has not done a damn thing to make the world a better place and yet they still seem to be the ones who control so much of what women think.  Far too many women seem to think that being stupid but just looking like a bimbo is enough to get you somewhere in the world. 

Of course the dumbest woman on the planet has to be Anna Nicole Smith.  She actually fell out of favor with men because she gained weight.  This was a bad move on her part because she wouldn’t be able to find the floor upon stepping out of bed if you judge her from the reality show she used to have.  Granted, she has suffered a great tragedy lately and that should count for something. 

I just want the world of women to know that there are some of us out here who actually want to be able to have a decent conversation every once in a while.  Sure, someone beautiful is great to look at and have fun in the bedroom with but what do you do with the rest of the time?  Do you just play Play Station Three?  You have to be able to talk to someone and that has to be hard to do when they can’t even spell dog. 

So, be careful out there.  If this trend continues the Dumb Squad may just get bigger.  Buses full of dumb bimbette celebrities may be swarming your very streets.  Keep your wits about you.  Keep a lot of shiny things around to distract them with. 

Bryan W. Alaspa’s novel Dust is available for sale in print and eBook form at www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.